The Edward Snowden Party // Digital Minimalism Series

As a military veteran, I’m flattered when people ask my opinion on national issues. Whether it’s the Commander in Chief, foreign policy, or V.A. healthcare, some people assume that I’m an authority on the matter.

The truth is, I’m not.

As a digital minimalist, I spend most of my days far from the headlines that most people follow. If something happened today, I missed it. The really big stuff has a way of finding me. In fact, news about my city often reaches my family across the country so fast that I hear about it in the form a text message, “R u Ok?”

Yesterday, a friend told me that media outlets are spreading a rumor that Edward Snowden will return to the United States for a trial. My friend asked what I thought about the issue. She assumed that veterans, like myself, stay up to date on Snowden’s life. Frankly, I don’t know much about it, but the topic is fascinating.

Then it hit me — Edward Snowden is the greatest digital minimalist of all time! He is the perfect example of using technology in ways that benefit you, then getting away before your data is tracked and used against you.

To get up to speed on the issue, and have a great time, I could host friends for a cocktail party to discuss Snowden’s fate. We could take technological precautions and copy his minimalist methods. This would be a great opportunity for real free speech. In a time when everyone is performing and trying to keep up with the latest version of political correctness, this is a liberating idea.

There would be a few key elements.

Party Logistics

1. Disable Internet. Got this one down at my place. If you want to throw your own Snowden party, then kill your internet. Not just the WiFi, kill the whole thing. You never know what might be watching you.

2. Security. Best to hire a bouncer. This way any unwelcome thugs won’t make it past your door. The bouncer will also help to enforce the next part.

3. Remove All Devices. Smartphones, smartwatches, wearables of any kind, Amazon Alexa, etc. are all tracking your every move and listening to your conversations. For guests to speak freely at your party, they need to be sure that no one is recording them. Parting with devices will give most Millennials a panic attack, enlist the help of your bouncer.

4. Microwaves. It’s rumored that Snowden put devices in microwave ovens just to be sure they were not transmitting. Couldn’t hurt.

5. Curtains. You know those Jason Bourne movies? Remember those scenes where he looks in a window and sees someone opening a file labeled “TOP SECRET”? That doesn’t happen. Serious information is kept in windowless rooms. I promise. Ask your military friends. To be sure that no spy is reading your lips, get blackout curtains to protect your guests.

6. Paper Trail. Invite your friends from relevant fields: tech, defense, legal, security, government, etc. But whatever you do, do not announce the party through digital technologies. Instead, hand write your invitations and deliver them yourself. Be sure to instruct your guests to memorize, shred, and burn the invitation. When they’re done, the ashes should be stored in a microwave oven, just to be safe.

Whether or not your guests actually discuss the finer points of Snowden vs. United States of America is irrelevant. A party like this would be the premier opportunity for what Cal Newport calls “supercharged socializing.” Lots of eye contact, rich conversation, laughter, and deep thought. Basically, the stuff that you never reach when social momentum is killed by a phone check at every pause.

For more on human connection in the 21st Century, check out Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport. For more on Edward Snowden, come to the party.